eris. 24. white. they/them/their pronouns. TERFs stay away. if you want me to tag for something, let me know.

List of things to say when someone asks why you don’t want kids

nerdfighterwhatevernumbers:

  • I promised my firstborn to a witch and really don’t want to make good on the deal
  • Well you can have them FOR me if it’s that big a deal to you
  • I don’t think I could get a good price for em on the black market
  • Fight me Helen
  • I can’t be a better parent than Angelina Jolie so why even bother
  • That’s my nindo. My ninja way.
  • I literally JUST sat down
  • Recite “The Highway Man” from Over the Garden Wall
  • Kids? What are those? I don’t understand. What are these youOH GRAVY WHAT IS THAT!?
  • Oohhh no, I’ve seen Disney movies, I know what happens to mothers
  • Centipedes? In my vagina?
  • *Angrily* YOU SEE!? This is just like that episode of Spongebob! *insert the plot of any episode of Spongebob in excruciating detail*
  • I heard they’re.. you know.. itchy. Like, as soon as you have a kid. Just totally itchy. Everything.
  • I’m an Aries
  • Well, we already got an even number so.. *shrug*
  • I must first capture the Avatar to regain my honor
  • I’m allergic
  • That’s just what the communists want!
  • I’ve been dead for seven years
  • Santa didn’t bring me one last Christmas, so I guess it’s no meant to be
  • I’m afraid they’ll have bad taste in memes
  • It would be unfair to my cat
  • I’m chaotic neutral
  • *long farting noise lasting at least 45 seconds*
  • “I don’t want to have children, I want to stay single, and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset.”

(via monmoth-ra)

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